Did I waste it? Reflections on 18 years of competetive soccer.

It's really over. After talking with a teammate tonight about the ins and out of the future Golden Bear Soccer squad...it finally hit me: I am no longer a competitive level athlete.

Identity crisis? No, but definitely emotion. With a wedding and graduation quickly approaching, my mind has been consumed with the next task or appointment. What was it for? Why did I spend so much time making sure my body could endure certain lengths of running? What is the measurable result?

1. Relationships. I have been blessed to become good friends with people through this sport.
   
2. Discipline. I have learned that there are consequences for decisions: either good or bad. These choices form a pattern which influences nearly every part of life.
3. Glory. Not mine. I've had a very quiet career. There are no big stats to pull out to impress you or award to show for. I'm not that girl. But I have learned much about glory...

The most precious thing about the past 18 years has been something I call the "switch."

Short and simple, soccer had been a way to receive attention or personal worth up until 10th grade. I played for me. My workouts and efforts were the means to a successful high school career, letter jacket, college scholarship, and anything else I thought would come with the territory.

And then Jesus showed up. Along with 2 stress fractures and a messed up Achilles tendon. My little god of myself had been crushed. I made myself an idol and when my idol died for a season, I was depressed. What can fix this feeling? I thought. Relationships? Popularity? Isolation? What's the answer?

And then I started to hear the Bible. Jesus died for sinners.

Wait, wait, wait. That's offensive. I've heard that all my life, but I don't consider myself to be that bad. I try hard, I'm a good person, I'm nice to people, etc. etc.

But the truth wouldn't leave me alone: no one is good, not even one. The Bible made it clear: there is only 2 kinds of people: bad people and then Jesus--the only good guy.

And this being true, it meant that I was in some serious trouble. I had replaced the God who created me with soccer, with success, and ultimately with myself. The Bible has a pretty serious word for this: idolatry. And what does that merit? Wrath. Hell.

But because God loved me first, he sent Jesus to absorb the punishment I deserve on a cross. For the first time... sitting in an auditorium at Colorado State University, I was absolutely and irresistibly compelled to the person and work of Jesus Christ at hearing the truth that he died for me and my sin.

He promises justification... a right standing with God. First by taking away my sin, and then giving me his own holiness. The reality of this message has changed my life.

So... post "switch..." I learned that all things can be a means to make Jesus look good. To show the world that knowing Him is more satisfying than creating idols. The idol being like saltwater... hoping for it to give you life, but having it kill you more quickly and leave you feeling more and more thirsty.

In conclusion, it is fair to say that I wasted many years of soccer on myself. But by God's grace, the past 6 years have been a process of killing my selfish desire to keep making myself an idol...and acknowledge that Jesus is better. When I took the field with this heart, the game became a means to enjoying the game more because I was playing for the one who gave me skill and motivation in the first place.

I hope you consider the facts:

1. God loves you.
2. Idols disappoint and lead to death and eternal punishment.
   
3. Jesus Christ died for you so that you may know him personally, forever.

Don't waste your athletic career. Don't waste your pursuit of satisfaction on mud pies when you are offered a holiday at the sea. Know God and be free from sin.

My Responses to the Top 5 Questions about our Engagement/Wedding/Marriage

John and I are excited to have set a date to be married on December 18, 2010--God willing. We've shared much joy with friends and family about the engagement. It's also been interesting to hear various responses and reactions from everyone---teammates, friends, family, co-workers, etc. Here are the top five questions, and my written reactions.

1. Q: Are you having alcohol at the reception?
A: Nope. Two Reasons: 1) Most importantly, we see alcohol as a potential distraction to the thing we want displayed most clearly: that marriage is about Jesus Christ. Marriage is by God, and the display of God. For the duration of our marriage ('till death do us part)...we hope to keep this central... so at our ceremony and reception, we hope for the same. 2) An exponentially lesser reason: We do like wine and beer, but not that much--it saves us a lot of money to not serve alcohol.

2. Q: Do you have jobs lined up?
A: John graduates this spring. I graduate December 15 (yes, 3 days before the wedding). John hopes to find a teaching job in the cities--that is what we're praying for and working towards. At this moment, we don't have a promise of income. But we do have prayer and planning. We've worked hard in school, athletics, and part-time positions to make ourselves marketable. We do believe it is the husband's role to be the "bread-winner" and that God speaks with much weight about the subject. We are trusting God to provide a sustainable income for both of us, a place to live, and food to eat. We believe his promise that he grants us "ALL THINGS pertaining to life and godliness." But this promise doesn't make us lazy. We are working hard in planning, networking, and applying in order to find these jobs. Please pray with us and if you know of any opportunities, please let us know!

3. Q: Aren't you too young to get married?
A: I don't think so. I used to compare our relationship to other relationships... "well they got married during college, so we can too." Or "Well they are waiting to get married for a few years after college in order to be financially stable." This brought me to realize: other relationships aren't our standard. God's unique call and provision within our own relationship is the criteria.

4. Q: How many attendants do you both have? And who are they?
A: We both have six. That's "a lot" (to some), or "sounds good" (to others), and even "I probably couldn't pick less than ten" (for one). We have included some of our dearest family and friends in our wedding party, and it happens to be 6 each. We are blessed to have these people in our lives and are excited to thank them for their friendship to us. At the moment, we have already asked each attendant to be a part of the wedding...except I think that John has one more yet to ask.

5. Q: How much money are you spending? Who's paying?
A: Trying to pinch pennies while being realistic is hard. Basically, a wedding costs an arm and a leg... so John is giving up his leg, and I'll give up my arm (the right arm, preferably...so I can still wear a ring)! ;o)

Thanks for being curious about our wedding... we hope it will be a good time that puts the beauty of Jesus Christ on display.

Sara Grace

Flyleaf--Beautiful Bride

Unified diversity
Functioning as one body
Every part encouraged by the other
No one independent of another
You're irreplaceable, indispensable
You're incredible
Incredible

(Chorus)
Beautiful bride
Body of Christ
One flesh abiding
Strong and unifying
Fighting ends in forgiveness
Unite and fight all division
Beautiful bride

Strengthen your arms now
Train your fingers for battle
Urgency's here now
Train your fingers for battle
Fighting this violence
With your feet wrapped in peace
Sad tears and silence
Now screams of joy
Victory

(Chorus)
Beautiful bride
Body of Christ
One flesh abiding
Strong and unifying
Fighting ends in forgiveness
Unite and fight all division
Beautiful bride

Beautiful bride
Body of Christ
One flesh abiding
Strong and unifying

We're not gonna fall and forget
How far You went to pick us up
If one part's hurt the whole body's sick
If one part mourns we all mourn with Him
Rejoice, and we'll sing with you
Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah

prepositions matter, and this is why I like them:

Why are words so powerful? phrases, clauses, syntax, semantics... dictate the meaning of a pieced together set of words.

In particular, I have a keen interest in the preposition. Not through the preposition, or on the preposition, or in between the preposition--but IN the preposition. It amazes me that one word can create a sentence that has never before been written nor said. One word can bring you joy or stir up hate.

Even God is particular with his prepositions...because they make all the difference:

Colossians 1:13-14 (English Standard Version)
He has delivered us from the domain of darkness and transferred us to the kingdom of his beloved Son, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.

Praise God that I have been saved FROM His wrath TOWARDS my sin. IN Christ, He accomplished atonement. He appeased God's anger towards my sin THROUGH Jesus Christ who was slain on my behalf. And anyone who believes in Him, will not perish, but have eternal life.

Read John 1. The WORD became flesh.

In Christ

It's been essential for me to remind myself of who I am in Christ lately. I am prone to forget who I am. This makes is all the more easier to continue in sin... to hold onto idols... to indulge the flesh.

Here is some Bible that's been helpful for me:

1 John 3:2-8
Beloved, we are God’s children now, and what we will be has not yet appeared; but we know that when he appears we shall be like him, because we shall see him as he is. 3 And everyone who thus hopes in him purifies himself as he is pure. 4 Everyone who makes a practice of sinning also practices lawlessness; sin is lawlessness. 5 You know that he appeared to take away sins, and in him there is no sin. 6 No one who abides in him keeps on sinning; no one who keeps on sinning has either seen him or known him. 7 Little children, let no one deceive you. Whoever practices righteousness is righteous, as he is righteous. 8 Whoever makes a practice of sinning is of the devil, for the devil has been sinning from the beginning.

Galatians 5: 16--
So I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you do not do what you want. But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under law.

He will save the needy from death

I have been made so aware of my pride. The very "sin that got Satan kicked out of heaven," Mark Driscoll likes to put it. What an awful thing, to think of myself as greater or more glorious than God. To look at accomplishments, physical attributes, or dispositions and truly count myself as better. What a slave I've been to my own glory.

But God is faithful, and has humbled me by revealing the reality of myself to me. His Word is like a mirror that reveals my depravity for what it truly is: awful and utterly sinful. My allegiance to myself is unsatisfying. God is good to show me my helplessness. To show me that without His Word and Spirit, I can indeed do nothing but sin. Jesus Christ is a savior, and offers grace to anyone. Won't you come and enjoy the salvation He gives from Sin and self?

He will take pity on the weak and the needy and save the needy from death. — Psalm 72:13

Munich, part one

After a few days in Munich, I have enjoyed the many varying dynamics of another culture. The city has great public transportation--we have been taking the ubahn and Sbahn everywhere. It's true what they say--beer is like water here, the drink of choice at dinner time. The best beer I've tried was the Paulimer, weisbeir at a pub in the Marienplatz, or main square.
New years eve was crazy-- in the city center the people were lighting off their own fireworks, downing bottles of alcohol, then smashing them on the cobblestone... And singing... Random white stripes songs.
Holidays and Sundays, the city shuts down. Sunday we found a starbucks that was open, and another coffee shop in the main square. Otherwise, even grocery stores are closed.
I really enjoy the pace here--maybe it's just because I'm on vacation here instead of living here, but everyone seems to take time at dinner, talking, eating, sipping... I see few people with their nose in a screen. Wifi is hard to come by! I enjoy the freedom from the information overload that is apart of American culture.
I'm waiting at the train stationto head to Füssen. We are going to see the castles today. Tomorrow we will head to Salzburg.
Jet lag finally died for me I think. After a remedy from Whole Foods, and an overload of caffiene in the mornings, I think my body is finally rewired to this time zone.
I continually see the beauty of God's provision and protection and authority. He is intimately at work across the globe... Jesus is Lord over Munich, Minneapolis, everywhere he is good and sovereign.

George Mueller on Prayer

"While I was staying at Nailsworth, it pleased the Lord to teach me a truth, irrespective of human instrumentality, as far as I know, the benefit of which I have not lost though now... more than forty years have since passed away.

"The point is this: I saw more clearly than ever, that the first great and primary business to which I ought to attend every day was, to have my soul happy in the Lord. The first thing to be concerned about was not, how much I might serve the Lord, how I might glorify the Lord; but how I might get my soul into a happy state, and how my inner man might be nourished. For I might seek to set the truth before the unconverted, I might seek to benefit believers, I might seek to relieve the distressed, I might in other ways seek to behave myself as it becomes a child of God in this world; and yet, not being happy in the Lord, and not being nourished and strengthened in my inner man day by day, all this might not be attended to in a right spirit.

"Before this time my practice had been, at least ten years previously, as an habitual thing, to give myself to prayer, after having dressed in the morning. Now I saw that the most important thing I had to do was to give myself to the reading of the Word of God and to meditation on it, that thus my heart might be comforted, encouraged, warned, reproved, instructed; and that thus, whilst meditating, my heart might be brought into experimental, communion with the Lord. I began therefore, to meditate on the New Testament, from the beginning, early in the morning.

"The first thing I did, after having asked in a few words the Lord’s blessing upon His precious Word, was to begin to meditate on the Word of God; searching, as it were, into every verse, to get blessing out of it; not for the sake of the public ministry of the Word; not for the sake of preaching on what I had meditated upon; but for the sake of obtaining food for my own soul. The result I have found to be almost invariably this, that after a very few minutes my soul has been led to confession, or to thanksgiving, or to intercession, or to supplication; so that though I did not, as it were, give myself to prayer, but to meditation, yet it turned almost immediately more or less into prayer. When thus I have been for awhile making confession, or intercession, or supplication, or have given thanks, I go on to the next words or verse, turning all, as I go on, into prayer for myself or others, as the Word may lead to it; but still continually keeping before me, that food for my own soul is the object of my meditation. The result of this is, that there is always a good deal of confession, thanksgiving, supplication, or intercession mingled with my meditation, and that my inner man almost invariably is even sensibly nourished and strengthened and that by breakfast time, with rare exceptions, I am in a peaceful if not happy state of heart. Thus also the Lord is pleased to communicate unto me that which, very soon after, I have found to become food for other believers, though it was not for the sake of the public ministry of the Word that I gave myself to meditation, but for the profit of my own inner man.

"The difference between my former practice and my present one is this. Formerly, when I rose, I began to pray as soon as possible, and generally spent all my time till breakfast in prayer, or almost all the time. At all events I almost invariably began with prayer. . .But what was the result? I often spent a quarter of an hour, or half an hour, or even an hour on my knees, before being conscious to myself of having derived comfort, encouragement, humbling of soul, etc.; and often after having suffered much from wandering of mind for the first ten minutes, or a quarter of an hour, or even half an hour, I only then began really to pray.

I scarcely ever suffer now in this way. For my heart being nourished by the truth, being brought into experimental fellowship with God, I speak to my Father, and to my Friend (vile though I am, and unworthy of it) about the things that He has brought before me in His precious Word.

It often now astonishes me that I did not sooner see this. In no book did I ever read about it. No public ministry ever brought the matter before me. No private intercourse with a brother stirred me up to this matter. And yet now, since God has taught me this point, it is as plain to me as anything, that the first thing the child of God has to do morning by morning is to obtain food for his inner man.

As the outward man is not fit for work for any length of time, except we take food, and as this is one of the first things we do in the morning, so it should be with the inner man. We should take food for that, as every one must allow. What is the food for the inner man: not prayer, but the Word of God, so that it not only passes through our minds, just as water runs through a pipe, but considering what we read, pondering over it, and applying it to our hearts. . .

I dwell so particularly on this point because of the immense spiritual profit and refreshment I am conscious of having derived from it myself, and I affectionately and solemnly beseech all my fellow-believers to ponder this matter. By the blessing of God I ascribe to this mode the help and strength I have had from God to pass in peace through deeper trials in various ways than I had ever had before; and after having now above forty years tried this way, I can most fully, in the fear of God, commend it. How different when the soul is refreshed and made happy early in the morning, from what it is when, without spiritual preparation, the service, the trials and the temptations of the day come upon one."

Enjoy Food and Clothing, Don't Obsess

I write this to remind myself...

"Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? ³¹ Therefore do not be anxious, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' ³² For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. ³³But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you." — Matthew 6:25-33

Thoughtfulness about the world is a heathenish sin, and unbecoming Christians. The Gentiles seek these things, because they know not better things; they are eager for this world, because they are strangers to a better; they seek these things with care and anxiety, because they are without God in the world, and understand not his providence. They fear and worship their idols, but know not how to trust them for deliverance and supply, and, therefore, are themselves full of care; but it is a shame for Christians, who build upon nobler principles. — Matthew Henry's Commentary on the Whole Bible: New Modern Edition, Electronic Database. Copyright 1991 by Hendrickson Publishers, Inc.

SEEK CHRIST, THE BREAD OF LIFE, AND BE SATISFIED.
"Taste and see that the Lord is good."

Dear Astronomy,

So get this: Astronomy is a 3 credit gen ed... and I've put ALMOST more time into homework and preparation for tests than I did for my Arabic classes. It's a bit out of control.

What I do appreciate about the class is the learning curve. I have not learned this much "new information" so systematically for some time. Planets, moons, their cycles and phases, our sun, our solar system, the galaxies... orbits, revolution, and rotation... this class is info overload!

An interesting thing Dr. Trapp said in class the other day is that Astronomers can see approximately 5% of the universe. When we asked him how they knew it was "5%" if they can't see the entirety of it in order to know what fraction they see... he had a pretty decent answer which I can't really remember.

So when I read this today, I was humbled--to say the least:

"Who has measured the waters in the hollow of his hand, or with
the breadth of his hand marked off the heavens? Who has held the
dust of the earth in a basket, or weighed the mountains on the
scales and the hills in a balance?" -- Isaiah 40:12

God is more majestic than I know Him to be. My sin is so often a result of not viewing Him rightly. Jesus is what my soul craves, and the only one capable of fully satisfying these cravings for pleasure and joy!

May I see myself in light of God's vastness and be humbled. May I then see the greater glory of the slaughtered Lamb--Jesus Christ--and be spurred to live to make this glory known and magnified.

Imperfection: Part واحد

واحد means "one". Part I.

Tim Keller once said, "Christianity is a hospital for sinners, not a museum for saints."

This is a fair comment on the "sickness" and "disease" I so clearly perceive in myself every day. A peculiar hospital it is... for indeed, Christ has made me well! "For by a single offering he has perfected for all time those who are being sanctified" Hebrews 10:14

Yet my sickness is ever with me. If holiness is to be pursued and grown in, why is it that my sin is ever-more apparent to me?

What is more, He has declared me to be a Saint. So what does Keller mean? Why not display the saints for one to admire? Because the saint-hood of anyone is not their doing. The glory is not in sainthood, but in the One who exchanged His holiness, perfection, and spotlessness for our depravity which enables us to do nothing but sin.

This is the glory that reigns and will be at center-stage for eternity: the glory of the grace of the Lamb who was slain.

Two reasons we don't need this museum:

1. Saints still sin
2. The glory of sainthood is merely a reflection of Christ's glorious grace

The reason Jesus doesn't need a museum:

• Museums are for dead people; Jesus is alive.

You can see the way I change

A new swag, new walk, new focus...
It's all Christ--not me--no boastin.



Romans 12:2 "Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind."

Don't waste your life

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Jesus said, whoever drinks the water that I give him will never thirst again.

seeking satisfaction?

"Men are in a restless pursuit after satisfaction in earthly things. They will exhaust themselves in the deceitful delights of sin, and, finding them all to be vanity and emptiness, they will become very perplexed and disappointed. But they will continue their fruitless search. Though wearied, they still stagger forward under the influence of spiritual madness, and though there is no result to be reached except that of everlasting disappointment, yet they press forward. They have no forethought for their eternal state; the present hour absorbs them. They turn to another and another of earth's broken cisterns, hoping to find water where not a drop was ever discovered yet."
--C.H. Spurgeon

Cravings

I crave mistake-free soccer games.
I crave the approval of those watching.
I am selfish and prideful.

Thanks be to Jesus who purchased me with His blood on the cross!

Now I may play for His glory, and my enjoyment of the game.

May I forget myself today and play because God is so good, for the glory of Jesus.

If Jesus did not get up from the grave, you should feel sorry for me

"If Jesus did not get up from the grave, you should feel sorry for us...But nobody is gonna feel sorry for you if they can't tell you put all your stock in Jesus.

"If your life doesn't reflect how valuable Jesus is, no one is gonna be like, 'I hope that's real'--if you look like the world does...

"If you're investing your life in eternal things, if your life reflects how valuable and incredible Jesus is, and some of the decisions you make everyday demonstrate that you live for Christ--people should feel sorry for you if this ain't real because you gave it all...."--Lecrae

but here's what Paul said: BUT IN FACT, CHRIST HAS BEEN RAISED FROM THE DEAD (1 Cor 15:20)

He did get up.

Don't waste your life.

5 Reasons Why I am Anti-morals

5. One mistake or wrong doing discredits any "goodness" I have or do

4. Morals produce proud people... the sin that got Satan kicked out of heaven

3. I have not the capacity to be good when even my thoughts are evil
Matthew 5:21-26

2. The prodigal son stole money, had prostitutes, and ran away... he wanted his dad's money to serve his own desires; but he didn't want his dad.

1. The prodigal's brother stayed home, and obeyed his dad. Worked hard and did it all "right." Yet was ticked off when his brother came home and dad threw the biggest party.

This is me. Wanting the father's gifts by trying to earn his favor by doing all the right things...
but not wanting the father.

The point Jesus makes in this story is that it is not about what we do that makes us worthy of the Father's love.

The REASON why we do either bad or "good" is what separates us from the Father.

I don't want God; I want his benefits.

But Jesus, came to shatter morality by fulfilling the law with joy and perfection on our behalf.

So that, through Christ, I may experience grace: blood that washed away my morality.

Rid me of this appearance of goodness, Lord I ask... I hate it. I deserve your wrath, and yet you sent Jesus to die for the Church that I might know you, your love, the power of your resurrection... and be compelled to ENJOY YOU.

God is better than morality.

Christianity is not morality.

Jesus is not merely my example of perfection to conform to. IMPOSSIBLE.
He is my SAVIOUR.

Remember, the Bible is the book that says even our righteous deeds are like dirty rags when offered to God... original language... literally meaning: dirty tampons.

Isaiah 64:4
We have all become like one who is unclean,
and all our righteous deeds are like a polluted garment.

Does God care about soccer?

"There it is, the answer to the most important question in all of life! God made you and me for his glory...

"To bring something glory means to make it look great.

"Everything we do is to be done to the glory of God. Every jump shot and every slap shot. Every single and every strikeout. Every victory and every defeat. Whether we ride the bench, or start every game of the season, all of it is to be done to the glory of God."
--Stephen Altrogge, Game Day for the Glory of GOD

i eat dinner at 3:30pm

I would just like to document that I eat diner at 3:30 pm.

But sometimes I don't.

Sometimes I wake up at 5:30 to go to 6am practice.
Those days, I eat dinner whenever I want.

Those other days, I eat at 3:30... because we Bears practice during dinner time.

It's quite odd... this practice schedule... sleep schedule... eat schedule...

but quite fun.

God supplies strength, and discipline and time. "His mercies are new every morning."

I enjoy being a Christian who plays soccer because I enjoy God through competition by experiencing that He is, and always will be, more satisfying than goals, wins, losses, shut outs.

Put that in your pipe and smoke it. God satisfies. Knowing Him is to pursue the highest pleasure... any other pursuit is weak.

SGS

Jesus is better than...

Rush of Fools, "We All"

You are love like we have never known,
Before the world was born--
You had named us and called us your own;
We are yours.
And we're broken at your feet!

We all fall to the ground at the name of Jesus

You have died for us

We all fall to the ground at the name of Jesus

You are seated at your throne.
It's your love that gives us hope
That you will never let us go.

We all fall to the ground cuz you're right here with us.
We all fall to the ground at the name of Jesus.