Did I waste it? Reflections on 18 years of competetive soccer.

It's really over. After talking with a teammate tonight about the ins and out of the future Golden Bear Soccer squad...it finally hit me: I am no longer a competitive level athlete.

Identity crisis? No, but definitely emotion. With a wedding and graduation quickly approaching, my mind has been consumed with the next task or appointment. What was it for? Why did I spend so much time making sure my body could endure certain lengths of running? What is the measurable result?

1. Relationships. I have been blessed to become good friends with people through this sport.
   
2. Discipline. I have learned that there are consequences for decisions: either good or bad. These choices form a pattern which influences nearly every part of life.
3. Glory. Not mine. I've had a very quiet career. There are no big stats to pull out to impress you or award to show for. I'm not that girl. But I have learned much about glory...

The most precious thing about the past 18 years has been something I call the "switch."

Short and simple, soccer had been a way to receive attention or personal worth up until 10th grade. I played for me. My workouts and efforts were the means to a successful high school career, letter jacket, college scholarship, and anything else I thought would come with the territory.

And then Jesus showed up. Along with 2 stress fractures and a messed up Achilles tendon. My little god of myself had been crushed. I made myself an idol and when my idol died for a season, I was depressed. What can fix this feeling? I thought. Relationships? Popularity? Isolation? What's the answer?

And then I started to hear the Bible. Jesus died for sinners.

Wait, wait, wait. That's offensive. I've heard that all my life, but I don't consider myself to be that bad. I try hard, I'm a good person, I'm nice to people, etc. etc.

But the truth wouldn't leave me alone: no one is good, not even one. The Bible made it clear: there is only 2 kinds of people: bad people and then Jesus--the only good guy.

And this being true, it meant that I was in some serious trouble. I had replaced the God who created me with soccer, with success, and ultimately with myself. The Bible has a pretty serious word for this: idolatry. And what does that merit? Wrath. Hell.

But because God loved me first, he sent Jesus to absorb the punishment I deserve on a cross. For the first time... sitting in an auditorium at Colorado State University, I was absolutely and irresistibly compelled to the person and work of Jesus Christ at hearing the truth that he died for me and my sin.

He promises justification... a right standing with God. First by taking away my sin, and then giving me his own holiness. The reality of this message has changed my life.

So... post "switch..." I learned that all things can be a means to make Jesus look good. To show the world that knowing Him is more satisfying than creating idols. The idol being like saltwater... hoping for it to give you life, but having it kill you more quickly and leave you feeling more and more thirsty.

In conclusion, it is fair to say that I wasted many years of soccer on myself. But by God's grace, the past 6 years have been a process of killing my selfish desire to keep making myself an idol...and acknowledge that Jesus is better. When I took the field with this heart, the game became a means to enjoying the game more because I was playing for the one who gave me skill and motivation in the first place.

I hope you consider the facts:

1. God loves you.
2. Idols disappoint and lead to death and eternal punishment.
   
3. Jesus Christ died for you so that you may know him personally, forever.

Don't waste your athletic career. Don't waste your pursuit of satisfaction on mud pies when you are offered a holiday at the sea. Know God and be free from sin.